Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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