It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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