he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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