Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize