She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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