I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
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I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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