i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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