You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize