The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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