I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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