the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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