hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize