why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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