i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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