tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize