This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize