Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize