Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
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every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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