but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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