I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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