A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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