I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize