This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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