I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize