God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize