and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize