He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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