Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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