Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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