Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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