Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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