Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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