he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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