I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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