oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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