I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize