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then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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