Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize