I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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