Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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