Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drake has all the answers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize