Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize