i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize