She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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