im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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