and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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