i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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