Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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