Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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