my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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